Past, Present, Future
by lahmrh
Summary: K/S AU. What if it had been Kirk, instead of McCoy, who went through the time portal with Spock in All Our Yesterdays?


Author's Note: Written for Jiokra for Fandom Stocking.

 **Past, Present, Future**

Spock frowns as he lays Kirk down on the furs in the back of the cave. While he is cold and uncomfortable from their time in the blizzard, his Vulcan control has spared him the worst of the weather's effects. Kirk has no such controls, and so is suffering badly from hypothermia. Spock finds himself wishing McCoy were here. Or more accurately, that he and Kirk were elsewhere.

He covers Kirk with the fur blankets as much as he can, and turns to address their unexpected saviour. With the hood pushed back he can see she is a female humanoid, attractive, if one were so inclined to think so. "My companion is experiencing adverse effects from the weather outside," he tells her. "Perhaps the warmth in here will revive him."

"What are you called?" the woman asks, her eyes fixed on him.

"I am Spock," he replies, then indicates the captain. "He is James Kirk."

"My name is Zarabeth," she tells him. "Are you two prisoners too?"

Spock frowns. "Prisoners?"

He listens as she explains the atavachron's use as a punishment, feeling disquieted. Surely stranding anyone in a wasteland such as this would be considered cruel and unusual?

Before he can ask her, there is a groan from the furs. Spock drops to his knees instantly and shakes Kirk's shoulder. "Captain. Jim. Wake up."

Kirk's eyes open and he blinks at Spock before his gaze shifts to Zarabeth. "Where are we?" he asks. "Did we make it back? Did you find McCoy?"

"Unfortunately not," Spock tells him. "We are still in the ice age, but we are safe for the moment. You should rest," he adds, when Kirk tries to sit up.

Kirk shakes his head, but he lets himself fall back against the furs. "We have to get back," he says.

Affection swells in Spock's chest. Even now, Kirk is devoted to his duty. "You rest, Captain," he says. "I shall look for a way back."

Kirk nods slowly, his eyes drifting shut. "You do that," he says. "Don't worry about me, just find some way back to the library."

"Who is McCoy?" Zarabeth asks, as Spock heads for the exit to the cave.

"He is a friend," he answers shortly, surprised to find that it is true. "He was sent through the time portal as well, but to a different time from us."

He stands for a moment, looking out at the weather. The blizzard is just as bad as before, perhaps worse, but Spock refuses to let that stop him. Steeling himself, he picks up one of the furs and wraps it around himself as a cloak. He does not enjoy the idea of wearing animal skin, but it is better than risking frostbite.

"You can't go out there in this weather," Zarabeth tells him. "You'll freeze. Besides, it's useless. You can't get back. None of us can."

Spock glances back at where Kirk is lying, feeling that same odd swell of affection. "I have to try," he replies, and leaves, heading for the area in which they first appeared.

x x x

Unfortunately, the weather proves to be worse than he thought. Visibility is almost zero, and he hesitates to go more than a few dozen yards from the cave in case he cannot find his way back. The wind blows snow directly into his face, making his nose and cheeks ache, and eventually he gives up and returns to shelter.

Kirk is awake when he returns, standing at the mouth of the cave wrapped head to toe in furs. His face lights up when he sees Spock, and for a moment he seems to glow with affection. Spock feels a corresponding warmth in his chest, and his expression softens in spite of himself.

"Captain," he greets. "Are you well?"

Kirk nods. "Still a little cold, but I'll be fine. How are you? Did you find the portal?"

Spock shakes his head. "I am afraid not. It appears we are stuck here, at least for the moment." His gaze flickers to Zarabeth, watching him with a sympathetic look. "Indeed, there is a chance we may not make it back at all."

Kirk shakes his head firmly. "No. I can't accept that. I can't-" He wavers on his feet and Spock reaches out to catch him.

"You should rest, Jim," he says quietly. "You are still not recovered."

Kirk waves a hand but allows himself to be led over to a pile of furs and lowered down. "We have to get back," he says, his eyes almost pleading as he stares at Spock. "There has to be a way."

Part of Spock wonders if it would be so bad to stay here, just he and Kirk. No rules or regulations or duty to get in the way. He reaches out to Kirk before he realises what he is doing, and pulls his hand back sharply, surprised at himself.

"Would you like something to eat?" Zarabeth asks from behind him. "I have meat, or broth?"

"Jim will have some broth," Spock says, before Kirk can respond. Then, more quietly, "You need to regain your strength."

Zarabeth brings over a cup of broth, and Kirk gives her a brief smile as he takes it. Irritation washes over Spock, and he moves closer to Kirk, positioning himself firmly between him and Zarabeth. Kirk gives him an odd look, but doesn't comment.

He takes a sip of the broth and makes a noise of appreciation. "This is excellent," he says. "Thank you."

Zarabeth ducks her head in acknowledgement and sits down nearby, holding a plate filled with pieces of dried meat. She picks up one piece and takes a bite before offering the plate to Spock. "Would you like some?"

Spock knows he shouldn't, but the meat suddenly looks very appetising. Before he can stop himself, he reaches out and takes a piece, placing it in his mouth and letting the flavours explode on his tongue. He doesn't think he has ever tasted anything so wonderful before.

He looks over at Kirk to see the captain watching him with a look of shock. "You just ate meat," he says.

"Yes," Spock agrees, seeing no need to deny the obvious. "It is logical to take in nutrients to retain one's strength, is it not?"

"Yes, but…" Kirk seems at a loss for words. "Spock, you _never_ eat meat. When we were stranded on Cygnus II you came close to starving because you refused to eat it."

Spock frowns. What Kirk is saying makes sense, but he cannot bring himself to care. Still, he does not wish to make Kirk uncomfortable, so he does not take another piece of meat. "You should finish your broth, Captain," he says.

Kirk is still looking at him strangely, but he obediently goes back to drinking. When he is finished, Zarabeth moves to take the cup from him, and her fingers brush against his.

Rage sweeps through Spock, sending him to his feet. He grabs Zarabeth's arm roughly and all but throws her away from Kirk. "You will not touch him."

"Spock!" Kirk's voice rings out. "Stop! What are you doing?"

Spock glances at him and sees Kirk looking at him with nothing less than shock. The fury begins to fade, and even more so when he looks over at Zarabeth and sees the fear in her eyes. "She was… touching you," he says, unable to articulate his thoughts.

Kirk stands, taking hold of Spock's shoulders and shaking them gently. "What's wrong with you?" he asks, his eyes searching Spock's face.

Spock wants to protest that there is nothing wrong with him, but he is distracted by the feeling of Kirk's hands on his shoulders. "She should not touch you," he says firmly. "Only I should touch you."

He reaches out and runs his fingers through Kirk's hair, tracing the shell of a rounded, human ear. Kirk's hands slip from Spock's shoulders as he follows the gesture, his eyes wide. "What are you doing?" he asks, softer this time.

"Something I should have done a long time ago," Spock tells him. The path forward seems so simple, and he cannot understand why he has waited this long.

One hand cupping Kirk's cheek, he leans in and meets Kirk's lips with his own.

The kiss is like nothing he has ever experienced before. Then Kirk begins to kiss back and it becomes even _better_. Spock is so caught up in the feeling that it takes him a second to register Kirk's hands pressing against his chest, pushing him away.

"This isn't right," Kirk protests. "You're not yourself."

Spock stares at him, uncomprehending. "You do not desire me?"

Kirk runs a hand over his face. "That's not what I- Look," he says, starting again. "We need to get back to the ship. If you still want… this-" he gestures between them "-once you're back to normal, then we'll talk. But I'm not taking advantage of you in this condition."

He turns to Zarabeth, who is staring at them, her hands still clutched around the cup. "Can we get back?" he asks.

"I don't know," she admits. " _I_ can't get back, but there might be a way for you. If you're very lucky."

Kirk nods. "Show us."

x x x

"I've been thinking," Kirk says, as they hurry through the snow to the place where they exited the time portal. Fortunately the weather has calmed, but it is still bitterly cold, and even with the thick furs wrapped around them Spock cannot help but be concerned for Kirk's health. "You told me once that Vulcans are all connected. That you have an awareness of each other that helps keep you balanced?"

Spock does remember saying something of the sort, although he cannot see the relevance. "That is correct."

Kirk gestures around himself at the wilderness. "Well, we're thousands of years in the past right now. What are the Vulcans of this time like?"

He doesn't wait for Spock to answer before continuing, "From what you've told me, your ancestors in this time period were completely uncontrolled, ruled by their emotions. And you're picking up on that. That's what's making you act this way."

Spock considers that idea. It is possible, he supposes. He doesn't know why that is a bad thing, but Kirk's reaction tells him it is.

Kirk touches him lightly on the elbow. Spock can barely feel it through the furs, but warmth surges through him all the same. "Don't worry," Kirk says. "Soon we'll be back in our own time and everything can go back to normal."

"Normal," Spock says. "Yes." Perhaps then Kirk will concede the logic of his advances. His mind fills with a very pleasant image of the two of them consummating their relationship in the dim light of his quarters, and he moves a little closer to Kirk as they walk.

Eventually they reach a place that looks familiar, and Zarabeth gestures at a specific place on the snow-covered wall. "The time portal is through there."

Kirk starts forward instantly, yelling, "Bones! Are you there?"

There's a pause, then McCoy's voice rings out, "Jim? Is that you?"

Kirk smiles broadly at the sound. "Yes, we're here! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, but this planet's about to explode, so you'd better get back so we can get out of here!"

Kirk strips himself of the furs and hands them to Zarabeth. "I think you need these more than we do," he says. "Are you sure you can't come back with us?"

She shakes her head. "I cannot survive outside of this time." Her tone is wistful.

"Well, thank you for helping us," Kirk tells her. "You probably saved our lives."

She accepts the words with a nod as Spock removes his own furs and hands them over.

"What are you two waiting for?" McCoy demands from the other side of the portal. "Get back here already!"

Kirk glances at the wall, then at Spock, a faint smile on his face. "Come on, Spock," he says. "Let's go home."

x x x

Spock has a lot of time during his meditation that night to go over the events on Sarpeidon and contemplate his illogical behaviour. He suspects Kirk's theory about him being affected by exposure to the uncontrolled thought patterns of pre-Surakian Vulcans is correct, but it doesn't make his actions back then any less inappropriate. He can only hope Kirk will forgive him for his lapse.

As if in answer to his thoughts, the door chimes. Already knowing who it will be, Spock pulls himself out of meditation and moves to answer the door.

As he predicted, the door opens to reveal Kirk. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything," he says. His tone is light, but there's a touch of nervousness in his eyes.

"No," Spock replies. "Come in."

Kirk steps inside and lets the door close behind him. "How are you feeling?"

"I am fine," Spock replies. In fact the meat he consumed is causing him some digestive discomfort, but there is no reason to inform Kirk about such matters. He straightens, clasping his hands behind his back, and adds, "Captain, I must apologise for my behaviour on Sarpeidon. You were right, I was not myself."

Kirk waves a hand. "It's fine, Spock. I don't blame you." He hesitates, then adds, "But that's kind of why I'm here."

He takes a deep breath, then asks, "Did you mean what you said back there? Or was it just because you were affected by the time period?"

Spock does not pretend to misunderstand. "I believe my actions were due to the time period," he says.

Kirk seems to deflate. "Oh. Well, that's all I wanted to know." He turns as if to leave, and Spock suddenly wishes very strongly for him to stay.

"However," he blurts out, and Kirk turns back. "The… emotion behind them was not."

Kirk takes a step towards him. "So you still… want me?" he asks.

It would be easy to lie, to blame it all on their time in the past, but Spock does not. "Yes."

He cannot help but look away as he waits for Kirk's judgment, but all Kirk says is, "Good," before he is moving towards Spock, eliminating the distance between them in a few long strides. He reaches up, stroking his fingers through Spock's hair, then cups the back of his head and pulls him into a kiss.

Spock quickly finds that, as pleasant as their last kiss was, it is nothing compared to the sensation of kissing Kirk while fully in control of his senses. It isn't long before they are heading for the bed, and Spock discovers that reality is _far_ superior to fantasy.

x x x

Later, as they lie curled together in Spock's bed, Kirk turns to him with a thoughtful expression. "You know," he says, "it occurred to me that if I'd been a little faster you could have ended up in that ice age with Bones instead. I wonder what would have happened then?" He smiles and adds teasingly, "Nothing like this, I hope?"

"I would prefer not to contemplate the scenario," Spock replies with dignity, and leans in for a kiss.


End file.
